Tuesday January 1, 1985

Today I told them its done . What more was there to tell .I couldn't tell them I killed her quickly. They wouldn't of put up with that. Even though they knew I was lieing . But what more could there be to it . They said good it is time for you to realize what you are and where you came from . I said no . It is time for all I have denied to be real.What was that I had said when I was ten and killed my father . No never again never this shouldn't have happened in the first place.It just did but I won't let happen again.So why did you deny what you were in the first place.Because I could .No other way to explain. It was convient to lie to myself so I did. What was your reasoning to do what you did? I don't know . Truthfully it just happened. The way I told you. So what do you want from me .An apology an excuse that will make everything okay. I can't give you that . It just happened the way I told you. So don't give me any more shit . Either kill me or send me to trail. So what is it to be. Can you tell me ? Or is going to be more bullshit.I can tell you that you will die for what you did. I can tell you that you will die by my hands because my face will be the last you ever see. How's that for you happy now . But I didn't say when. I could let you live another ten years.But we'll see.

 

Sunday February 10, 1985

Today the trail started . I guess I should be glad they didn't let him be the executioner. Well that should be the least of my problems. What should happen at the trail? That should be my concern. But some how I don't feel worried about it .I know he will come for me . Besides he was the one who sent me on this mission in the first place. He knows where I am . He'll find me one way or another. He'll want to know how it went. So he'll look for me . Even if he should only come to visit me in jail.I won't be surprised. I know he wanted me as part but I really didn't want to be part so I screwed up on purpose. So we'll see . I guess it should be soon . When I see him in my dreams. I'll know he is on his way . To either save me or kill me. The way they want to kill me . So in some small way it will be justice.

 

Wed.February 20, 1985

Well the trail ended today with me crying into my hands again.I just don't know anymore I thought it would be different. I thought I could handle it better with him behind bars. But now all I want is for him to be dead. I wish I could just walk in there and kill him.Let him know just how I feel. To be with the dead in your own mind.To walk with them in their own hell . To be a part of there pain . To see and feel . To be as real to them as they are to me.To be able to touch and feel all that is real but not. I can almost hold her hand and pretend I didn't kill her. But I know I did . The man that went to jail today was innocent. But not because I know him I worked with him . I watched him kill another girl . He raped her and beat her and laughed as he cut her throat. He laughed while she bleed to death. The blood pouring from her veins. Her eyes rolling and losing focus.I think he deserved to go to jail for me. I didn't mean to kill her. I loved her . In my own strange and haunting way. I still do . Why else would I still dream of her. Her beauty, the radiance of her smile. I still see her . But I don't know if I can live with myself . I mean just the thought of her roting in the ground alone is a sin .I can't take it. I love her so there for I must join her in the grave .

 

 

Part 1 of the Death Sentence

The time has come to let you die . Put the needle where it belongs . Then kill you slow. Watch this time as I come by. Listen carefully as I reply. Your death is painful much more pleasure than you thought. Your time of death is now. Listen carefully to me now .Where you find such pleasure is hard to say? But I know in your death you will find your death is chosen without reason in mind. Let me say this on the subject your heart will close but not your eyes. Your life will end but not without design. I know your kind you think you are better but I know the truth . Your soul is a black pit of evil sewage waste from hell. Where is it you think you will go when you die . Heaven or Hell or to your own designed torture for which you have to find. My answer is easy I know the truth . Your life has been messy and there for is doomed . Your fate in my hands your life but a one . Know one will miss you when your gone. Listen close I think you will find nothing is shattered or broken without time. You my friend have been here a while left to the killers the rapest leering smiles . But you will have the chance to escape this tortures cell. By giving up your life to join your buddies in Hell. I know this is what you want for you know no other way . So be glad my friend I have ended your stay.